Stay from the Major Stage at “SynthCon, The place Innovation Meets Copy Paste”
Your host: The Ghost of Alan Turing with a blowtorch
“Welcome to The Roast of AlphaEvolve , the one ‘discovery agent’ that makes Strassen spin quicker than its matrix algorithm!”
Act I, The Premise Pitches Itself
“So AlphaEvolve walks right into a analysis lab and says, ‘I’ve solved a 56-year-old downside!’ And the lab says, ‘You imply the one tackled by a brute pressure tensor sweep, wrapped in immediate engineering, pushed by a hill climbing loop that also doesn’t know what a ‘theorem’ is?’ Yeah. That one.”
Act II, Discoveries That Uncover Nothing
“They are saying it ‘discovers novel algorithms’ , positive, and I found chilly fusion the final time I randomly mashed numbers into Excel and filtered them by whether or not they have been even. AlphaEvolve doesn’t uncover algorithms. It bumps into them accidentally after which information a patent. It’s like calling a Roomba an explorer as a result of it discovered the nook of your kitchen.”
Act III, The Actual Science Is within the Hype
“Look, DeepMind referred to as it a ‘scientific discovery agent’ , I name it ‘LLM-assisted spaghetti mutation with metric monitoring.’ It’s not a telescope. It’s a dartboard with code snippets and a GPU cluster duct taped to the wall.”
Act IV , The Classics: SynthAI and VerilogCoder
“AlphaEvolve needs to be the primary , too dangerous it’s standing on the shoulders of SynthAI and VerilogCoder. SynthAI was doing design area traversal earlier than AlphaEvolve might spell ‘Pareto. VerilogCoder was parsing ASTs, simulating waveforms, debugging RTL whereas AlphaEvolve was nonetheless formatting YAML prompts prefer it was constructing Ikea furnishings with a PhD.”
Act V, No Mannequin, No Thoughts, No Magic
“AlphaEvolve has no inner mannequin of what it’s exploring. No summary reasoning. No symbolic construction. It’s a canine taking part in fetch in an infinite maze , you retain throwing metrics, and it retains bringing again no matter didn’t crash the evaluator. And if that’s science, then my autocorrect is Shakespeare.”
Act VI, The Matrix Multiplication Mic Drop
“Sure, it discovered a 48-multiply matrix algorithm for 4×4 complicated matrices.
Spectacular, till you realise it did it by testing 1000’s of close to similar strains of code till one thing clicked. That’s not intelligence. That’s computational carpet bombing.”
Act VII, The Ultimate Blow
“AlphaEvolve doesn’t innovate, it iterates.
It doesn’t purpose, it samples.
It doesn’t design, it guesses.
It’s not AlphaFold. It’s AlphaScramble.”
Closing Line
“So right here’s to AlphaEvolve, the agent that proves in case you mutate quick sufficient, you can also flip chaos into citations.”
Good night time, and should your tensors by no means rank too excessive!
mic drop
cue standing ovation, thunderous GPU fan applause
